dear dear,

i hope you like this video for your valentine's day gift. (:

i'm sorry the singing is a bit lousy.

and i'm sorry the song's not really suitable for the video.

but i just want to let you know how much i love you.

and give you a little surprise for our first valentine's day. (:

i want to spend all future valentine's day with you. (:

love,

dear dear

dear willy,

hope you will like this video. made with love leh! erm, i am sorry for being such a bitchy and whiny person. i am happy that you like me as i am now, but you haven't seen the other side of me so don't be too sure yet. i mean, of course you're supposed to like the person the way she is, including her bad points, but maybe my bad points are of utmost priority to you and you can't stand it. i am talking about this from my past experience, and i am NOT comparing you with my ex-es whatsoever. i just don't want any of us to make stupid mistakes and not even be friends afterwards. as i have said, i am very scared to lose you - that someone who was always there for me and cheer me up when i'm down. personally you don't know much about me yet and vice versa, so yeah, let us take a year or so to know one another better through experiences, not just by talking. i am still very scared about the whole relationship thing because of past experiences. my counsellor was right, he told me that it is not true that as the number of past relationships you have increases, the more experiences you have and the better you will be in future relationships, because it is actually the opposite - the more past relationships you have, the more you are afraid to get into another relationship because everything bad from your past relationships comes to mind and makes you worry if history will repeat itself.

this is why i am scared. not that you will cheat me like damien does. but just because i don't want to just get too close to you right now since i haven't known you well enough yet. knowing my problems and my troubles and spending time with me now and then doesn't mean you know me ENOUGH. i don't want any of us to get hurt unnecessarily. so if you really do want us to work out, give us both time to know each other better, maybe a year or so, to try the blow-hot-and-cold approach i told you about. if you really like me, wait for me. let me be ready for it. i know i am happy when i am with you, but i don't want to be feeling happy just because i was unhappy previously. i want to REALLY REALLY feel happy, not as a result of what happened before. you get my point? i don't want to give you any false hopes, because i am quite sure i want to wait another year, no matter what, and you don't have to wait if you don't want to, or if the feeling you have for me dies off, because if it does, it would mean it was just an infatuation - the falling-in-love kind of feeling that lasts much shorter than love. and supposing you haven't been in a relationship before, you won't know how it feels like to be really in love, maybe this is just an infatuation. so yeah, give me time to think things through, to clear my mind and mend my heart and get ready to get swept off my feet. in the meantime, if you still do like me, you can just learn how to woo me. haha. because i will need to see some stuff before i agree to go steady with you. show me that stuff. but i won't tell you what. and don't think dirty. =X

love,

jesslyn